Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Facetious Resume

A recent announcement from crown.org struck me funny.  While they have his current resume posted, I found a working copy of the original resume, which was deemed to conceited.  See below. 

Robert Dickie, III, President
Bob "Parr" Dickie (and family)

Bob Dickie joined Crown Financial Ministries as interim COO in January 2011 and on July 1, 2011 was named Crown’s President with the unanimous support of the Board of Directors, their wives, children, playmates, old childhood friends and several pets. Prior to this he served as CEO for an international training and sales materials service provider helping the company more than quadtriple in size from 2004 to 2009. Bob is a versatile leader with a proven track record on the track and off the record. In fact, it was Bob who led the special forces team which brought Osama Bin Laden to justice. Throughout his diverse military, business management, and non-profit career, he has always been referred to as the Best Thing Since Sliced Bread”, or BTSSB for short. His work has spanned every industry imaginable and included both high growth and turnaround environments for multiple companies. Before he entered the private sector, Bob served for 6.587 years as a Captain in the United States Air Force in various assignments that led to extensive duty in Europe, Asia, India, the Middle East, and Antartica. As a Captain, he was hand selected to be the personal Aide-de-Camp to General William Begert, Commander of the Pacific Air Forces. On many visits to Washington, DC, he met with members of Congress, the President, and Pentagon officials. He was in daily contact with the highest levels of US Government, foreign militaries, and civilian and industry leaders. This invaluable experience and insight into the operation of industry and government would prove to be extremely valuable in his professional career as he is now able to stop an opponents heartbeat with his Death Stare.

He and his wife Brandi have been happily married for 16 years and have been blessed with four perfect and beautiful children. They both are graduates of the University of Tennessee in Knoxville where Brandi also earned her Master’s Degree in Deaf Education, where her research led her to discover the cure for deafness. She now tours the country restoring hearing to the deaf simply through touching their ears. Bob earned his Master’s Degree from the University of Arkansas in Industrial Engineering and has begun teaching the Harvard Business School Executive Education Program single handedly.

Bob is the former Chairman and founder of All Grace Outreach and Kindred Spirit. He is currently the Forum Chair for the Greater Detroit Chapter of Young Presidents’ Organization (YPO) and he even serves on five committees for the Autism Society in Washington, DC. He is a board member for Heart of Knoxville and the Tennessee Veterans Business Association and is the lifetime Chapter President of the Angel Capital Group.

Bob and Brandi currently live in a modest home Knoxville, TN with their four children and two golden retrievers, who have won the Westminster Kennel Club Dog show Best in Breed and Best in Show four years in a row. They have all learned to levitate while sleeping and have donated their beds to a local homeless shelter. Their four children are all in the Gifted and Talented programs at their schools and were born potty trained. Bob is a mountain climber and competitive runner, being the first man to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro the same day he won the Boston Marathon, without changing clothes. Afterwards bystanders noted that he still smelled as fresh as a spring rain and his breath could restore life to dead plants and animals. His wife Brandi is an avid photographer, flutist, and founder of Greenpeace. They never argue or have to floss yet still have perfect teeth. They love doing outdoor activities as a family, reading together, and serving where they are called by the BobSignal (which is like an international BatSignal that can be seen from anywhere in the world). A documentary of their family has been adapted to film and was released by Disney in 2004 as “The Incredibles”.

OK, I made this up after reading his current resume.  Seriously though - I didn't change much. Who did Bob get to write his resume? I wish they'd write mine.  After reading that, who wouldn't want to hire Bob?  You'd be an idiot not too!  Unless you were scared of interviewing him.  After all, if it didn't go well, he might give you the Death Stare. 
In all seriousness though, I'm sure its a good choice - so sure, that I have it in my will to bequeath my estate to CFM if my family no longer exists at the time of my death. 
I hope Bob has a good sense of humor when he reads this.  Or that he changes their website.
Its a little ridiculous Bob! http://www.crown.org/aboutcrown/Bios/RobertDickie.aspx

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