Wednesday, January 27, 2021

How to know if they’re "The One"

 How to know if they’re "The One"

When your’e young and/or inexperienced, its hard to know if you’ve found your future spouse or not, and if they’re the right one for you.  You find yourself wondering all the time.  Maybe you pray to God and ask Him what His will for your life is.  Unfortunately there is no way to know for sure, but the more life experience you get, the clearer it will become.  Here are a few tips to help help clue you in early, without having to go through so much pain that is the source of life experience.  

1. They make you a better Person.  
This is a very practical hint, and it's not too hard to figure out.  You can even just ask other people and take a pole and you’ll probably start to see the forest through the trees.  Its practical because if your future spouse doesn’t make you a better person, then eventually and steadily, you are going to get worn down until either you break or you break up.  
    1. How to find out:  Ask yourself a series of questions and write down the answers.  Put the list down for a week and then come back and pick it up at a time when you find you are the least hormonal and most level headed and read it.  
    2. Since we met, have I been a better citizen of my country?  Am I breaking the law more or less since we met?  Am I improving my community more or less?
    3. Am I a better daughter or son?Is this new relationship making me more at peace with my parents or less at peace?  At the end of the day, if your new relationship is making this very permanent relationship with your parents harder, its going to stress you out as long as they are alive.  Who wants that?
    4. Am I a better friend now (to relatives and non-relatives)?  A better role model?  These other relationships are important too, and they need oxygen.  Are they suffocating?  Its normal to spend a little less time with your friends, but you should be able to see the general trend.  IF things continue on their course are these other relationships going to be snuffed out?
    5. Am I a better person before God?  Is your conscience troubling you more or less since you’ve started going steady?  The rest of your life, you are going to need someone who somehow helps you figure life out, how to be a good person.  It doesn’t mean they have to be a great counselor - maybe they just are supportive of you going to see a therapist, a therapy group, attend church, be a part of a small group, or talk to your friend who helps you figure life out.  
2. You just can’t walk away

Try as you might, you find that you just can’t seem to permanently walk away from this person - and not in a bad way either, but in a good way.  

3. People who really care about you aren’t telling you they aren’t the one.  

Its always a red flag when your parents genuinely don’t like your future spouse and are outspoken about it.  It could be that they are just bad parents, but if they’ve got their stuff together and are in committed relationships, then maybe, just maybe, they’ve got something figured out that you are going to want to have eventually. For those of you who have a rocky relationship with your parents, Ask yourself - have they been good to me over the years?  If so, then their proclivities in this area are probably going to be good for you as well.  

4. They don’t cheat on you.  

Country SingerA cheating heart will always be a cheatin’ heart, and unless you like singing country songs, you best be giving that lover the giddy-up and go.  It’ll save you a lifetime of heartache.  Even if you have to honeypot that Bronco, you do what you gotta do.  But hopefully asking your friends will suffice.  Oh, and it goes both ways, so if’ve you’ve ever cheated on them or been thinking about it, then move on to greener pastures and try not to get too tangled up with someone you don’t really love.  You need your future spouse to be someone you will always be pining for, and no one else.

5. You just know.  

This is probably the least helpful hint for young lovers, but the more time passes, the clearer it becomes.  I’m still trying to figure out how this works.  For me, I knew the first few minutes we met - like the old cliche’, it was love at first sight.  Maybe it was just that I had determined to make her mine, and all the other stuff in the lists above checked out.  But I had a feeling that we had met somewhere before, one I couldn’t shake.  

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